Forget drug dealers, murderers, and aggressive alcoholics; the Singapore police now have a new, much more dangerous type of criminal to deal with: bored uncles and aunties.

You would think that older Singaporeans would enjoy relaxing at home with a book or movie but for some of them, going a day without eating at a coffee shop is simply unthinkable.

Uncle: You want me to eat my Chicken Rice at home?!

Yes, despite the numerous warnings, many are continuing to flout the safe distancing rules, even if it means getting fined.

Auntie Who Was Rude to Cop Had Eaten in Food Court & Left, But Was Tracked Down by the Police

A few days ago, Singaporeans got acquainted with this pleasant woman:

According to Stomp, the woman in the above video was consuming food at the Terminal 4 (T4) food court despite being advised repeatedly by food court staff that she was not allowed to do so.

The staff called the police, but the woman left the food court before the police arrived.

She was later tracked down, however, and found at T4’s Arrival Hall.

She then had a less than friendly discussion about the matter with a frustrated police officer, and fortunately for us, it was caught on video.

This was what they said:

Cop: You’re staying in Singapore, right?

Auntie: No, I don’t like Singapore and I need to leave Singapore. All the way, are you supposed to detain me? Don’t let me to leave Singapore? Supposed to ask me to breach the law?

Cop: Listen. LISTEN! This is not about detaining or not detaining you. This is about the situation now. You understand, there’s COVID situation right now. Everyone is doing the same thing. Okay?

Auntie: All the way ah, I would like to leave Singapore

Cop: You are not—

Auntie: Can you help me to leave Singapore?

Cop: I’m not going to talk so much nonsense with you

Auntie: All the way as you supposed to detain me to—in Singapore?

Cop: Listen.

Auntie: Ask that one

Cop: Listen to me. My duty here is to enforce—empower the law for COVID-19. Okay? The situation now does not allow you to even eat—

Auntie: All the way I’d like you to do ah, to go with—

The video ends there, with more mystery than a Christopher Nolan movie. I’m not a linguistics expert, but I have a strange suspicion that this woman wants to leave Singapore.

And I get it. How dare the authorities ask someone to stay at home for their own safety?

Auntie: Exactly!

I was being sarcastic.

Auntie: You’re just like them; unsympathetic. By the way, can you help me leave Singapore?

For being a Stubborn McStubbornpants and breaching safe distancing rules, the auntie was fined $300.

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Eat At Home Lah

What is this strange new phenomenon where people are acting as if eating at a hawker centre is one of life’s greatest pleasures?

I understand that if you’re a little older, one of the things you treasure the most is a routine.

But everyone’s making sacrifices during this Circuit Breaker, whether it’s not having KTV sessions, cutting down to 15 bubble teas a day because deliveries are expensive, and not being able to see your girlfriend or boyfriend.

Reader: That’s why I don’t have a girlfriend.

Yup, I’m sure that’s the reason.

So, please, for the sake of your loved ones and fellow Singaporeans, order takeaway or deliveries, and adhere to the safe distancing rules in place.

Yesterday, NCID’s clinical director Shawn Vasoo warned that if people in Singapore refuse to follow the elevated safe distancing measures put in place, more people will die from the virus.

People are not taking the pandemic seriously enough, he says.

Don’t let someone fall ill or die just because you don’t want to eat some soggy fries.

And by the way, if your fries are soggy, do you know that you can air-fry them to make them crispy again? #lifehack

If you’re still bored at home, make some Dalgona Coffee. We did it before the Circuit Breaker started and it was pretty fun:

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