Think back on the very first date you have with your SO: who pays for the date? What do you feel about a man constantly paying for your dates or if a woman is paying for it?

To some extent, men have always been paying for dates – especially the first date, due to conventional gender norms. Men who don’t pay for dates or go about splitting bills are thought to be as “stingy,” “non-romantic,” or “no sense of chivalry.”

But modern day women has taken a step up, as seen in the debates of gender equality. Women would like to portray as strong, independent beings who deserve the same treatment and equality as men.

So what about paying for dates?

A study by Chapman University’s David Frederick on who pay for the dates isn’t just interesting: it’s eye-opening.

Most men pay for most expenses

Most men pay for expenses while on dates, consistent with conventional norms. 84% of the surveyed men reported that they would pay even after dating for awhile.

It seems like chivalry is not dead after all! In terms of behaviour, almost half of surveyed in both genders agreed that dating expenses were at least partially shared within the first month, and some sharing within six months.

Is that the same for you?

Many women claim they offer to pay, but hope men would reject

Over half of women claim they offer to help pay, and 44% of women surveyed were bothered when men expected them to help pay. They confessed that they hope men would reject when they offer to pay. Women still believe in men having traits such as generosity.

Now, what this means is that when women offer to pay, almost one out of two is saying just for lip service. Interesting.

Two-thirds of men believed that woman should pay

This is even more interesting: 64% of men felt strongly about women contributing to dating expenses, and nearly half of them mentioned that they would stop dating a woman who never pays. Say what?

Most men reported feeling guilty accepting women’s money

Despite the fact that men want women to offer paying, most of them felt guilty accepting women’s money. Men do have traits of dominance and having the need to be the “stronger” person in front of women.

This shows that women aren’t the only confused creature in a relationship; men are, too.

People are resisting or conforming to conventional gender norms

This study has shown that dating is historically related to the male’s displaying benevolent sexism and dominance as a breadwinner. Younger men and women in modern times feel more subjective to this topic and most likely to adopt egalitarian practices. The courtship ritual in overall is changing along with the transformation of the relative material and social power of women and men.

So when should you pay or let your date pay?

In general, it is still subjective to individuals and some factors to consider would be your date’s income level and attitude. It is still believed that men should be paying for the meal on the first date, and women would pay for entertainment after.

Couples will tend to share expenses perhaps after a month or two, since expenses can get really high considering the fact we live in Singapore.

What do you think?