Look, I know that being a stall owner at a hawker centre isn’t easy. So, when I see a little blood in my chicken, I let it go.
Or when I’m served rice that has clearly seen the sun rise and set, I let it go.
But POOP.
POOP.
Call me old-fashioned, but I do not like poop in my food. The mouth and butt are far apart for a reason. The two should never meet.
Creepy guy in the office: Or should they? *winks*
Get out of here, Creepy Joseph.
Unfortunately, that’s exactly what happened to one man in China when he ordered a noodle dish.
Man Finds Poop In Pig Intestines While Eating Noodles, Demands S$5,800 As Compensation
Are you a fan of Kway Chap? Well, I’m here to take your love of that beloved dish and shit all over it.
A man in China was enjoying a bowl of noodles with pig intestines when he found that one of the pieces was tougher to chew.
According to South China Morning Post, the man informed a waiter at the restaurant and after the staff inspected the meat, they found something disgusting inside.
Reader: What… what am I looking at here?
That, my dear reader, is excrement. Poop. Shit. Faeces. Crap. Dung. Fecal Matter. Call it whatever you want, it’s still incredibly disgusting.
If you’re currently drowning in your own vomit, you’re not the only one.
Manager’s response
The manager freaked out, as any manager would when one of their customers finds poop in their food. He confirmed that the cook didn’t cook the intestine properly and offered to pay a compensation of 500 yuan (S$96).
This is 10 times the price of the dish, but the customer declined and asked for a whopping 30,000 yuan (S$5,800) as compensation instead.
You might think that this is excessive, but how would you react if you found poop in your food?
Needless to say, the man was pissed.
“I’d like to invite their boss to come over and have a try— I can pay him a few hundred yuan for every piece of excrement he eats”, he said.
“I want an apology. And if you do apologise, you should apologise to all consumers nationwide.”
However, the owner said that he couldn’t afford the huge amount because his business was already suffering due to an African swine fever epidemic that killed most of China’s pigs.
Goodbye, Kway Chap
Dear Kway Chap, it’s been a lovely and mighty tasty journey, but it’s time I say goodbye.
Kway Chap: But… but why? Did I do something wrong?
It’s not you, Kway Kway, it’s me.
Kway Chap: Oh, I guess that sometimes people fall out of lov-
Actually, it is you. I found poop in you.
Kway Chap: But EVERYONE HAS POOP IN THEM. If you want me to live up to some unrealistic stereotype that society has constructed then you should leave. I’m going to have poop in me sometimes. Deal with it.
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OK, now I feel bad.
Kway Chap: You should. Now you’ll be all alone.
Actually, I’ve been eating Chicken Rice this whole time we were together, so I’m good.
Kway Chap: You cheating bastard
